Sorta like Notre Dame
by TripWire- dono
Summary: Most of the Gotei people are dragged to watch a school play. the main star is Ichigo and Rukia! uh... hold up a sec, dude, they totally mangulated the lines! this is not a normal story... R&R XD


**Hello**

**This is another stupid ass fanfic I sent to that fanfic competition for SMASH 2008! I hope you like this one and I'm sorry for not updating a lot. School problem. . though I didn't win… it was still fun!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Victor Hugo's works and Bleach sniff it's never too late…**

**LETS GET THIS SHOW ON THE ROAD!**

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The zombies weren't the problem. Nor was Freddy Krugger on his midnight snack. The Vampire was most welcome indeed. But you really need to watch out for was the blinding cotton candy horror after five minutes of resting your eyes and trying to drain away sleep.

"Kusajishi fukutaichou, what is this?" Byakuya raised an elegant brow. Yachiru was perched on his desk holding out crumpled pieces of paper in her small hands and waving it in his face.

"Silly Kuchiki taichou! These are tickets of course" she squealed and started jumping up and down on his paperwork. The papers flew everywhere and ink splattered on the floor. Byakuya was not amused. To think that he would get a few moments rest to complete and requisition the documents peacefully.

"Pray tell, what are the tickets for?"

"Ichigo's and Rukia's play! They are doing the Hunchback of Notre Dame, so cool"

"Isn't that the tale of the horrid beast finding true love with a maiden woman whom was out of his league?"

"Uh huh!"

"No"

"Whaddaya mean 'no'? It's gonna be fun. You need to get out of the office. It's already bad enough that you won't talk to anyone," she said with sickening sweetness.

"Please?"

"No"

"Please?"

"No"

"Please?"

"No"

Yachiru crouched and pouted. Her big chocolate brown orbs glistened with tears and her fingers poking each other in a cute manner. The ultimate puppy-face.

Unlike, most captains, Byakuya can stand the infamous face. He was taught to not let anything get to him for that was the way of the Shinigami. No weakness, no failures. There were times when Yachiru begged him to take her to the park because 'Ken chan' was in hospital and 'Baldie' was waxing his head. Did he give in? Nooooooo. He merely did the cloak disappearing act and whooshed away. He can stand it.

Too bad he wasn't _immune_ to it.

Minutes passed painfully slowly and every time, Yachiru's eyes grew bigger and shinier and her lips started to quiver. None has seen this and got away with it. The cuteness rolled off her in waves that suffocated the poor captain.

"Fine"

"YIPPEE! BYAKUYA'S GONNA SEE A CLASS ACT!"

The cotton candy ball bounced around the room. The velocity of the movement threatened to topple the books from the shelves. She leapt and thrusted the crumpled tickets into his brush holder then cannonballed out the window.

"You won't regret it stiffy!" were here last words that were bellowed from across the courtyard.

Byakuya gave and exasperated sigh and rubbed his temples. Where's a Panadol when you need it? He went to pick up his important documents off the floor and also what was left of it of his sanity.

**Xxx**

"Matsumoto, I don't care if it's Kurosaki and Kuchiki doing that scene in the whole play, it's not gonna be worth my time" Hitsugaya clutched his calligraphy brush tightly, almost at breaking point.

"Awww, don't be like that. They are your comrades and friends. It's gonna be awesome!"

"No, I still have paper work to catch up on and so do you!" his spiky hair bristled and became even spikier every time he got annoyed. It was cute really because then his aqua eyes would twitch violently next.

The busty blonde pouted at her taichou. "But everyone's coming. Kuchiki taichou, Unohana, Hanatarou, Amagai, Renji Ikkaku, Yumichika Yachiru, Hinamori…just…everyone!"

"No, I don't care about them"

Hitsugaya stared at her coldly trying to drive her away and leave him with his tea and paperwork. At leats it's fulfilling.

A pregnant silence fell over them.

"Ne, I think Sakura chan is going too" Rangiku placed her fingers on her chin, her steel grey eyes looking thoughtful.

"So what?" The taichou thought about his rosette haired third seat. Just yesterday they went out for lunch during break.

"I'm pretty sure Asano san got suspended form participating in the play. So, he is gonna watch instead" Matsumoto placed her finger in a thinking pose.

"Fine, we're going"

"Yes!" Rangiku flounced out the door, delighted that she can get through to her taichou with his not so secret crush

Xxx

"Man! This is weird, when's the new scene gonna show"

"Hush Renji" said Byakuya.

So far it was pretty hectic. The acting was so funny and fantastic. A butt load of slapstick and ingenious jokes. Instead of the peasant food of those times, there was KFC. Fight scenes and the Topsy- Turvey parade? Tatsuki's infused karate. Heck the whole script was mutilated.

"Hey Sakura chan! Why don't you sit next to me, eh?" Said Asano Keigo. He just thought his suspension was a promotion since he thought he didn't have to embarrass himself in front of the large audience.

Toushirou growled at him and sent the worst murderous glare he could muster. The pink haired beauty sweatdropped. She had more than her fair share of flirt attempts.

"Ummm…It's okay. I'll stay seated next to Hitsugaya"

"Damn straight…" he muttered

"Wow! That was Brilliant!!"

'

"Now, now, Yachiru come down. You do not want to have a sugar crash now do you?" Unohana smiled benignly and turned to Kenpachi.

"Please don't try to stuff any popcorn up anyone's nose, when you're angry, Okay Kenpachi?"

"Yeah what ever" The two newlyweds just got back from their honeymoon.

"C'mon! There gotta be more fight scenes than that!" yelled Ikkaku.

"Yes, the peasants aren't much to look at also," yawned Yumichika.

"Hush, the next scene's is about to start," scolded Hinamori. Shuuhei and Izuru nodded in agreement.

**Xxx**

A hunched little man was crouched at the railing; his course hands grasped the rope of the huge bells and gave it a hard yank. His peasant clothing hung tattered on his huge hump. The colour of dirty brown and khaki. The hulking figure shuffled to and fro of the stage. The usual perma- frown, the usual hair…orange.

"The bells!" it bellowed.

"Holy mother of f-" gasped Renji.

Next the beauty of the story emerged stage right, her dress the colour of emerald green delicately embroidered with sequins and rhinestones. Her angelic face stunned the crowd. Her violet eyes shone brightly. The midnight bang in front of her eye gave away who she was. Kuchiki Rukia as Esmerelda.

Byakuya dropped his Pepsi.

Rukia gracefully swept across the stage, a distance behind crippling Ichigo.

"Are you the one called Quasimoto?" she asked.

"Yes, I am the bellringer" his voice was low and deep, totally no Ichigo

"I've come to meet you. I am-"

"I know who you are. You are beautiful and I an ugly"

"I cannot see what you look like, please turn around" she said angelicly.

"No. I'm a beast"

"You are not, you are a man. A man with a soul and trhough your eyes we'll see that soul. Then, I shall judge your beauty" she spoke gently. He obeyed her and so, the Hunchback slowly turned around about- face. The face that was once hidden in the shadows revealed lo and behold.

A big ass eye that was bugged out to the max dilated. His bottom teeth stuck out, disgusting brown and cracked. His complexion was ruptured with warts and pimples and caked with smudge, dirt and dust. Completely horrifying and really hurting.

"Oh my gaaaaaaawd! Can you turn back around please?" Rukia pulled a face and took a step back.

"Can one so beautiful learn to love someone so ugly?" Hunchback Ichigo cringed.

"Umm...no" she said blankly.

"I warned you I was ugly"

"Yeah well, ugly is just ugly but this is really taking a piss"

"But what about the-" He started to hobble towards Esmerelda.

"Uh, not too close please" she held up her right hand in a dismissive manner her left on her hips. Her eyes portrayed disgust.

"You don't look too great yourself love" Ichigo rose too his full height, towering over Rukia's petite body. The mound on his back looked ridiculous hanging on his straight posture. His deep hoarse voice no more but the normal shouting, annoying Ichigo voice. "Your not exactly Ayumi Hamasaki yourself either!"

"Well at least my eyes aren't pointing different directions!"

"Well that's because my eyes are trying not to make contact with your face!" He rudely gestured from his face to hers.

"Well I'm not the one cooped up in the bell tower ya freak!"

"At least I'm not chasing guys I don't even know, bitch!"

**GONG!**

"The bee-eee-eellls!"

**OWARI**

**Xxx**

**Well I hope you enjoyed this one too! I just chucked in some stupid humour **

**JA NE**

**OOo TripWire XD oOo**


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